**BREAKING NEWS** Auckland Prison **JAILBREAK**

In a stunning development, the 23 replacement guards sent by the Auckland Blues to Paremoremoremo Prison to fill in for the “sick” regular guards have overnight failed to tackle a single inmate and now all 6,233 inmates are believed to have escaped.

“Not surprised at all” commented local rugby coach Tana Umaga. Following Umaga’s recommendation, all 23 substitute guards have now been incarcerated in the maximum security facility to replace the escaped inmates. “Thank fuck.” remarked Umaga. “Last we’ve heard of those hopeless wankers. The useless fuckwits will probably all drown on the shower floor trying to pick up the fucken soap in the morning. No way they’ll be able to catch it, that’s for sure. It’s not all doom and gloom though, this development does free up 23 spots in the Auckland Blues squad. So if any of the 6,233 escaped inmates are reading this, there’s a squad spot available for you. Any one of you psychos will do. Can’t do any worse than the 23 fat unco dozey children we’ve had here so far this season.”

“Haha, I think I just saw 2 of the substitute guards accidentally tackle each other then start crying.”
“Let’s break in again and then break out again. That was just too easy.”