UK blogosphere going into meltdown overnight over ref’s performance. It’s rigged. It’s a conspiracy. This ref is terrible. Biased towards All Blacks. All the ref’s are. There’s a secret Bias Bunker located directly under Eden Park where shadowy figures convene under cloak of darkness to ensure the All Blacks win. Money changes hands. Favours are curried.
Exclusive glimpse into Eden Park’s subterreanean Bias Bunker where All Black officials purchase their side’s victories:
“FAAHHHHK, it’s just so easy!” Ching ching motherfuckers!”
The poor little pommy Hitler ref seemed to be going fine until he hastily and erroneously binned a frog in 50th min for a head-high. Then, down 8-11, rusty klutz prop Joe Moody limps off to be replaced by test debutante Karl PerfectCopMoustache and hello, big Karl crushes the frog scrum, the heavens rejoice, the planets align, the AB gears mesh synchronously and whirr with ominous portent, Eden Park thanks fuck the Blues aren’t playing, 3rd former DMac starts running through gaps like the 5th formers are still chasing him, the black-boned angels of death proceed to beat their wings in heavenly unison and the All Blacks pour on 44 sumptuous unanswered points. Go fuck yourself Pepe le Pew and pals, see you fuckwits next week.
Once the frenetic AB combine harvester of imminent murder started upping the ante the ref started rogering things up. Not binning Cane after him and Ofa turning a frogs grey matter into escargot snot was one. Letting Ardie Savea continue on for his try after his knee had hit the turf three metres out was another.
All Blacks were not flash in the first 50 minutes. Not flash at all. Down 8-11, struggling to get anywhere in the forwards, really missing Retallick and Read, little impact, yes, the usual 1st test of the year ring-rust. Thank fuck the ref was biased and AB officials had purchased the 44 points required to win the match. Didn’t even need all 44! Just 4 wouldve done the trick to make it 12-11. Wonder if they can get a rebate on the superflous 40 points? 52-11 is just arousing suspicion, I mean come on, there’s match-fixing and there’s fucken match-fixing.
“Um, yeah, hello? Just wondering if we could cash in these extra 40 points we didn’t really need on the weekend to perhaps use them at another juncture during the season? We’ve got the receipt and everything. Hello? Hello? Look you dickheads, is anyone even here?”
NZ Stuff Herald 