Auckland Blues vs Rebels RD 16 2018.

Cripple shitfight in the handicapped stall. Faeces everywhere. Wheelchairs at 3 paces and off they went. Clang, clang, clang, gahh, shit all over my hands now, I’ve dropped the fucken thing. Again.

1st half, Akira Ioane charges down a kick en route to a Blues try for Terence and Philip. You don’t see new All Black Dick Frizzle doing that for the Highlanders. Charging down kicks, putting himself about. He’s too busy puzzling out crosswords on the Landers bench, probably using his brand new shiny AB jersey to cushion his precious little cotton-wooled arse from the fucken splinters.

Pulu did well to hold up a certain try but the ponderous fucker is such a handbrake on attack. Guys, let me just stand around at the back of the ruck with the ball sitting there and let the other team draw up a detailed schematic on how to fucken stop us.

Rebels actually looked good going forward in this one. But, as the game wore on it must’ve gradually dawned on them that woah, these useless shits don’t even practice or anything, holy fucking shit, all we have to do is try hard and hold onto the stupid ball and we win. They got nothing. And that is pretty much how the bog-standard Melbourne Rebels beat these clueless dipshit Auckland Blues today by a score of 20-10 in order to secure just their second ever win in NZ.

Blues not even the 5th best team in NZ right now. Cantabs NPC side would clean up this lot. Christchurch Boys High might even give them a fright

The proud Blues have historically always looked likely in broken field play. They no longer even have that. They have nothing. No luck, no skills, no nous, no kickers, no runners, no nappies, no panties, no gruds, no coaching, no happiness and no future.

Somehow the useless pricks have not won a single match all season at Fortress Eden Park. They’ve successfully managed to turn New Zealand’s impenetrable rugby stronghold into an empty and silent black hole where dreams go to die.